The Perfect Place by Felicia

My wonderful friend, Felicia wrote this poem for us and I wanted to share it because it is too good not to. Thank you, Felicia, for being such a good friend to me.

THE PERFECT PLACE

Lord, I know Your plan is perfect

and I know You want us near

It's so hard sometimes to understand the things that happen here.

We hold on so tight to things we know

and things that we hold dear

that we can't hear your voice inside

that speaks so loud and clear.

You've prepared for us a place with you

without the pain and fear, but for now

it's hard to understand the things that happen here.

There'll come a day in that perfect place

where we'll see Jesus, Friends and Eden's Face

safe in the arms of HIS love.

Carrie, your courage makes me very proud

and I will say it very loud

shout it out above the crowd.

You've stepped out of your comfort zone

into the place of the unknown, where Jesus is

And in so doing you have shown the love

of God as it simply is and finding out that

on this journey you are not alone.

And so my friend, as we patiently wait

for our arrival to that perfect place

where you'll see your sweet Eden's face so near,

It's only then we'll finally understand the things that happened here.

A boy named Eden

Wednesday July 21^st, 2010

(From Bryan ’s Perspective)

Matthew 5:4 (NIV) (4) Blessed are those who mourn,for they will be comforted.

First I would like to thank everyone who has supported us throughout this process. Many of you have passed this blog on to others. Many of you have read and responded to it. Many have promised to keep us in your prayers. Please take our most heartfelt thanks. We have felt not only God's amazing love, but also the love and support of friends, family, and anonymous readers.

Taking the story back to Carrie's last Dr. visit from July 1st; Carrie was dilated ½ cm and starting to feel contractions. Ok, scary stuff, but it was tolerable, we knew this was coming. What we didn’t know was why Carrie’s blood pressure was going up and down drastically. The Dr. tried a few medications that either didn’t help or the side affects were worse than the condition. Labs were run to check for preeclampsia, etc. The 4th of July weekend was very uneventful for us. Carrie started having sharper contractions, that were closer together and she slept about 18 hrs a day. The rest of the week was much the same, but we figured this must all be part of pregnancy. The next week brought more progressive news. Monday July 12th we saw the Dr. and were informed that Carrie was dilated to 1cm. With the dilation and the contractions, the Dr. considered Carrie to be in pre labor. In non medical terms, that means go home and suffer until full on delivery begins. On Tuesday Carrie was dead set on traveling to Gladewater to see/help with the Vacation Bible School at our church. We made it there and back without any complication.

Let me interject that even the tiny detail of us attending VBS that night was part of God's plan. You would assume that seeing 50+ kids running around would hurt the feelings of people with a terminal pregnancy…NOPE, just the opposite. We were overjoyed that these kids were learning the love of the Lord. We were overjoyed that those parents had made the decision to send those kids to the program. We were overjoyed how church members and the community gathered together for such a great cause.

Ok, Back to the story: Thursday July 15th Carrie woke up feeling bad in every way. Her contractions were terrible and she had not slept normally. Being the trooper that Carrie is she got ready for work (all you ladies know what a chore that is). I think she made it ½ the day before calling the Dr. because her blood pressure had reached 140/110. The diagnosis was much the same, still dilated to 1cm, very high blood pressure and of course those lovely contractions. The Dr’s orders, go home and rest for the day to get the blood pressure down.

On Friday July 16th, 2010, the amazing miracle of birth arrived. Of course since we never do things the easy way in the Albee household the day was a bit strange. Carrie got up, got ready and headed off to work. She was having terrible contractions before she even left the house. Something was up. But being Carrie she was going to work and fight her way through it. I got the call around 10:00 AM. Carrie was having contractions bad enough to fall to the floor in a coworker’s office. It was time (again) to get her to the Dr. As always, the office got us back quickly and before long we were measuring contractions every 4 minutes. We saw the Dr. and her prognosis was A) you are having Big contractions B) you are dilated to 4 cm, and C) “that’s a head I feel.” It was time for this baby to come.

For those of you who know Carrie and me, you know we are planners. Neurotic to a point, but planners none the less. We “planned” to pack the hospital bag, make calls, get to the grocery, etc., finished over the weekend. Well, none of that got done. Heck we were having a baby Right Now! We rushed home, threw random things in a bag and headed out the door. Arriving at ETMC was simple and easy. Carrie's room in the ETMC family birthplace was ready for her before we arrived. Thanks to the lovely folks at our Dr’s office, the hospital staff knew all about us before we got there. A quick few phone calls were made to family and the process began.

At 2:00 PM the Dr decided to start a drug to aid in dilation (pitocin) as well as some pain meds to help with contractions. By 4:00 PM the contractions were very bad. We were minutes away from birth and there was no time for an epidural. Carrie was prepped and by 4:20 PM it was time. Being written from a male perspective I’ll be the first to say my wife is super human. No epidural and pain meds that had long since worn off were producing earth shattering contractions. The nurses kept telling her not to push. Being as sweet and accommodating as Carrie is, she apologized. We all got a good laugh out of that. Again, as a male, I was not too sure how I would handle witnessing birth. But watching the miracle take place, first a head, then little shoulders, then little legs and feet… It changed my life forever. As Cliché as it is to say I still must make the statement: How could anyone not believe in God once they have seen a baby born?

Our sweet baby Eden was born at 4:47 PM July 16th 2010. 1lb 14oz, and 12” long. Carrie handled birth amazingly well, no complications at all. Of course, we were praying for miracles up to the last second. “Let the Drs. be wrong, Let this baby be perfect, Let this baby live.” But all those wishes are by our own design. We wish, want and try to control things every day. We forget that we control nothing, God’s plan is perfect. Just to get his point across, God decided to give us one last lesson in giving up control. We had planned colors, outfits and the name, Eden Grace from the start. God was giving us a baby girl. Potter's Syndrome or not, we love her and are going to plan for her. WELL, about 5 min after birth the doctor said to the nurse, “Have we confirmed the sex of the baby?” The nurse lifted the little leg and looked at the doctor with wide eyes. The doctor looked at us and smiled. The first thing we thought was, "Oh my goodness!!!" It was a BOY! So we did not have a perfect baby girl, we had a perfect baby boy. Eden William Albee. Our little guy lived 13 minutes. The best 13 minutes of mine and Carrie's life.

We brought immediate family in to see and hold Eden. We invited our pastor and his wife to be with us and to give a short celebration and dedication. We had pictures taken, and lots of little memory tokens were arranged. We were able to spend as much time as we wanted with him. After most of our family had gone home Carrie and I spent some private time with each other, Eden and the Lord. We prayed for Eden , we prayed for ourselves and we prayed for all the folks who have been supporting and praying for us. It was amazingly uplifting and beautiful. Of course we cried and felt down, but there was an overwhelming sense that God's plan is so perfect that even a situation this sad had a higher purpose. We knew immediately that Eden was with the Lord, and his little body was just a short reminder to us as the parents that he was ours, but ultimately belongs to God.

To wrap up my novel of a post I’d just like to say a word about time. In the case of Carrie and I, the Lord started us with a 9 month timeline. We thought it would feel like an eternity to carry and deliver a baby that was determined terminal from the start. But it didn’t. A flock of people and prayers surrounded us immediately and the numbers increased as time went on. To us God’s hands held us as he used people and prayer to surround us. Next we were given time to make choices. Trusting in God we were able to find a practice and a Dr. that better suited Carrie's comfort and our situation. If we had not trusted in Prayer we would never have had the clarity to choose such an amazing Dr. Finally, we were able to spend 13 minutes with our son before he passed. Before this situation I would have thought nothing significant could be accomplished in 13 short minutes. I was wrong. In 13 minutes Carrie's life, my life and the lives of our family changed so radically it’s nothing less than supernatural. We experienced purity, a peace and an understanding of our God that was so beautiful. Many people see our situation as sad. Many people have called how we have handled it courageous. Let me be the first to tell you our courage came right from God. Our situation may seem sad but truthfully, we will have an amazing ambassador in heaven. And we have all learned the value of faith. Carrie mentioned the other day that it was selfish to feel sad about our situation, after all it’s God’s plan, we should be happy to see it carried out. It's selfish to want our baby here with us. She’s beautifully correct. Although we will all mourn Eden , he should be a reminder to all of us that so many people joined together through the grace of God to help and pray. Through this, all of us have been touched by God. Finally, do not let time stand in the way of prayer. God’s timeline is drastically different than ours. Don’t wait to pray, you could lose those valuable 13 minutes that changes lives. God’s answer may take seconds or years, but I assure you he hears it and it will be answered.

Psalm 34:18 (NIV) The LORD is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit.

2 Corninthians 2:14

2 Corinthians 2:14 (New International Version)

¹⁴But thanks be to God, who always leads us in triumphal procession in Christ and through us spreads everywhere the fragrance of the knowledge of him.

I read this verse in one of my devotionals this week and it really slapped me in the face. Last week was a very rough week for me emotionally because I was tying up some loose ends as far as planning. Some days I just don't want to get out of bed, but I'm always grateful I did. I work with some amazing people and I know I was placed in my job to go through this journey with them. These people really do care. I've been told so many times that I am such a witness and that people can see the Holy Spirit glowing around me. How very humbling....some days I just feel like a little insignificant worm. I'm so thankful for the people that are brave enough to ask me questions and not be afraid of crushing me. I'm also very aware that this sort of situation scares the pants off of most people so they just don't say anything. I get that!! I used to be that way.

I started having contractions on Sunday night. They were approximately 30 minutes apart starting at about midnight and were still going strong on Monday afternoon. I decided I better call my doctor to make sure everything was ok. She hooked me up to a machine that measures contractions. Sure enough, I was having early labor contractions. I was also dilated to 1/2 cm. I'm sure that I've still got some waiting to do but it really made me think I better get into gear. I'm typically very A-type so I am really annoyed when I don't have all my ducks in a row when things pop up. On Tuesday, I decided to get after it. Honestly, I didn't have a clue HOW to start planning for something like this. I've been reading what other people have done in similar situations but have been putting it off because it's just one of those things that a person can't get excited about. I prayed that God would just lead me where I needed to go. A lady that I work with walked into my office and just started telling me about a local funeral home that is known for being family oriented, Christian people. As soon as she left my office, I decided to just get it done. I looked up Stewart Family Funeral Home and called. The lady that answered the phone sounded nice. I was relieved. I managed to convey my reason for calling but I couldn't even tell you what I said to her. She asked me politely if she could put me on hold so she could get the person I needed to talk to. It seemed like FOREVER that I was on hold. I couldn't catch my breath between the tears. A nice man named Robert answered and I shushed up very quickly. I don't really know what I said to him, but he very kindly told me how so very sorry he was but he also knew that God gave this special girl to me for a reason and he would work miracles through her tiny life. He said all the things that I believe and I just couldn't have been more pleased that I spoke to him. I know that God put him on the other end of the phone. He said exactly what I needed to hear. They are taking care of all the costs for us. What a blessing!!! I dreaded going to the funeral home to look at tiny infant caskets. He said not to worry about it. We are going to have our pastor, Luke Kimbley, and his wife, Alisha dedicate Eden Grace at the hospital. We aren't going to have a service for her. We feel like her soul will be in heaven and that's all that matters. We will be cremating her. Robert told me to enjoy this precious time we have with her now and we will worry about the details when we need to. So, no paperwork or thinking about it until it's time. Thank the LORD!!

I was also told about a Christian volunteer organization called "Now I lay me down to sleep". I contacted the local person and she shared her wonderful story with me. Her grandson was born very prematurely and had to stay in NICU for 4 months. As she visited him there, she saw several mother's and father's go through situations similar to ours. Her heart was led to this ministry, as she is a professional photographer by trade. She will be taking photos for no charge. She also offered to do maternity photos at no charge as well. What a precious keepsake, one that you can't really put a price on.

The next day another lady that I work with came to me and asked me if I had a special outfit for Eden. Nope, that was another thing I had prayed would just come to me. I had looked online but didn't really want to purchase something like that. I wasn't quite ready for that. I told her that she was answering my prayer. I know it was hard for her to ask me about this but it was perfect timing. Thank you, again, Lord!!! This lady is in a quilting group with another lady that started an organization that makes these special dresses for little bitty babies. She was going to see her the next day and would bring me some to choose from. I couldn't have come up with a more perfect outfit on my own. The picture below shows the dress, the little hat, receiving blanket and a little keepsake heart. The heart has a spot on the back that you write the name and birth date, etc. We will keep the heart for her collection of memories.

Another lady I work with made a special necklace for Eden with a Pink Rose as the main attraction. Little did I know that every flower has a meaning attached to it. The pink rose means: Grace, Beauty, Gentleness, you are lovely.

One of my dear friends that I used to work with wanted to do something special for Eden. She started asking me little questions a few months ago. Little did I know that she was using her sales tactics to seek information without me really knowing what she was up to. Shanna asked me what colors I would do Eden's nursery and what her name was going to be. I think Shanna was one of the first people to know her name, after our parents. A few weeks later I got a package in the mail that included a sweet and perfect little memory blanket the exact colors that I wanted Eden's nursery to be, with her name monogrammed on it. The squares on the blanket are for family and friends to write something special to Eden. We will also have her little feet and hand prints stamped on it. What a wonderful way to remember all of the love that we will feel on that special day!!


"He said to her, 'Daughter, your faith has healed you. Go in peace and be freed from your suffering,'" (Mark 5:34 NIV).
Jesus called me out from the shadows and placed me center stage. No longer am I a woman in need of a healing touch, but now a believer who has received it and was called on to tell about it. I pray that I can do that more and more every single day!!